Short Stories by an Old-Fashioned Millennial

The publishing company said I needed a back cover introduction to this catastrophe. They said to use my Instagram bio. I don't use Instagram! What part of "e;old-fashioned"e; don't they understand? Here goes nothing. Hello there. If you re anything like me besides being delightfully dapper, cunningly creative, and stunningly sarcastic you won t buy a book without reading the back cover. Don t. Sure, it might be entertaining at first, but by the final chapter, you ll wish you had spent your time being beaten by a sack of rabid raccoons. It s boring, it s odd, and it s grossly underpriced (the retail price was another one of the publisher s recommendations). Don t buy it for the wisdom you ll revive. That can be found in any fortune cookie. The entertainment value is inferior to C-Span and even Jimmy Kimmel. That s saying something. If you re seeking a scandalous love story, you re barking up the wrong tree. You also won t find suspense between these covers. You ll have to engage every ounce of your patience to just finish the introduction. Go ahead. I double-dog dare you.