Not the Son He Expected: : Gay Men Talk Candidly About Their Relationship With Their Father

Not the Son He Expected explores the powerful and emotionally complex bonds between gay sons and their fathers. Drawn from over eighty interviews with gay men, including a Commander in the US Navy, a well-known gay porn film director, a former Catholic priest, an Army Captain booed at the 2011 Republican primary debate while asking a question about same-sex marriage, a South Dakota rodeo cowboy, a social worker working with Pulse nightclub survivors, a man whose father through gender reassignment surgery has now become his second mother, a New Yorker who underwent years of reparative therapy and is today the foremost advocate for banning the practice, an Oklahoma man whose father offered to purchase a hooker's services to turn him straight, and more, the insightful sharing by these men sheds fresh light upon the profoundly life-shaping bonds between fathers and their gay sons. Twenty-six interviewees speak eloquently about their relationship with their father and offer hard-won advice on topics such as how and when to best come out to one's father, how to deal with non-accepting fathers and families, how to practice healthy self-care, and--since many of these men are now fathers themselves--how to be a loving and supportive dad. Not the Son He Expected will prove to be a helpful and encouraging resource for gay sons, for their fathers, and for all those who love and care about them.

"The ties that bind fathers to sons can be iron shackles or can be loops of roses. Tim Clausen's new book examines gay sons and their fathers in essays both arresting and at times heart-breaking. This is an important work." ---Gregory Maguire, author of Wicked

"Tim Clausen hauntingly orchestrates first-hand accounts of father/ son relationships. Authentic, beautiful, and occasionally overwhelming, the multi-generational stories provide a candid and moving view into those bonds." --Brett Jones, author of Pride: The Story of the First Openly Gay Navy Seal

"Not the Son He Expected is a valuable addition to the literature about the under-explored intersection of gay men and their fathers. Sometimes unpredictable, often what one might expect from a father's reaction to his son's coming out, and everything between. Tim Clausen has taken great care to interview a wide variety of subjects, and we learn that each situation is always fraught with true emotion on both sides. A fascinating read." --Fred Hersch, Grammy nominated jazz pianist, composer and author of Good Things Happen Slowly: A Life In and Out of Jazz

"My Dad died when I was seventeen. I know he was proud of me-but now: gay Catholic priest, sexual activist, secular spiritualogist? I'll never know. So these other men's stories are informative, reassuring, heartwarming. Thank you, Tim Clausen, for this rich resource when the very notion of masculinity is in free fall." -Daniel Helminiak, author of the international bestseller What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality

"This collection of personal, intimate stories highlights the complex relationship between fathers and their gay sons. What makes them particularly fascinating is the complexity the coming out experience brings to each relationship. A must read." --Stephen Snyder-Hill, author of Soldier of Change: From the Closet to the Forefront of the Gay Rights Movement