In Desperate Search of the Lesser Spotted Pink Salamander from Ghangi Blah

So there was this kid called Wiff who was born on a beautiful planet where everything was almost perfect. But sadly he was born with a hair lip and got bullied a lot. Also his girlfriend got a bit sick. On meeting a strange old man in the woods he was whisked off to a distant land with a mystical gizmo. After being almost beaten to death by some little pink thugs and being chased by a humongous great big monkey creature he met up with a band of desperately disfigured bone munching gaudy critters who soon became his dearest of friends. Eventually he found the Pink Salamander he sought so badly, but things did not go to plan. All merry hell broke loose and a hideous war ensued. Everybody got killed except the Boy the Pink Salamander and the big monkey-thingy. This is Whiff's desperate search for the Lesser Spotted Pink Salamander of Ghangi Blah. The epic fantasy journey of a life time and a damn good read.