Whys and Why Nots?

My story is not unique nor do I claim to be the prime example of being a Job in the Bible whose faith was severely tested by God through Satan's torment. On the contrary, my name and character trades in the midst of hardship would not be compared to Job, simply because I often acted defeated in the midst of trials and testing. Nevertheless, it is 'by grace that I am saved' and not by my inevitable falls and flaws or good deeds.