Things Church Girls Don't Talk About

Things Church Girls Dont Talk About is a comical, yet poignant, story of a young church girl and her mother in search of true faith amidst a sea of toxic religion and eccentric Southern characters. Meet Mama Careen whose sass gets her into trouble when she announces her husbands adultery at his surprise birthday party. Enjoy the antics of her sister, Justine, who gets tipsy and does a tell off to her brother-in-law''s bow-legged mistress at his funeral. Sympathize with Maggie as she tries to forgive and forget her cold, Irish father. Scoff at the narcissism of Jimmy Ray, a quirky preacher with a PH.Da Pentecostal Hair Do. If you have a bone to pick with religion, or even if you dont, you will be wooed by this charming and powerful tale of how mercy triumphs over judgment.

Excerpts from THINGS CHURCH GIRLS DONT TALK ABOUT
Maggie McBride on Southern sayings:

and for your information, a Southern woman can say anything about anyone no matter how cutting or evil if she just follows it up with bless her heart, or something similar.

Dont go repeating this, but Mrs. Johnsons loose daughters, Babs and Lola, becamePorn whoresbless their hearts.

Violets thighs looked like a tub full of cottage cheese in that bathing suitblessher heart.

Mrs. Murphys lusty cousins, Beebe and Hortence, are both living in sinblesstheir hearts.

I think you get the point.
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Careen McBride and her unique, attention seeking suicide note:
Dearest Martin,
Night and day, I have been down on my knees praying to God that you would leave that butt-ugly Ellen woman and come back to me and Maggie. But no, my prayers did nothing but hit the ceiling. You are still with that home wrecker who is not worth the bullets it would take to blow her brains out. Since youve been gone, I feel that there is nothing left for me to live for and I might as well just go to be with our dear Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In the event that I get up my nerve and decide to take my life, send our Maggie to live with my rich sister, Justine, if you and your bow-legged bitch dont want her. That way, at least one of us can live in Mountain Brook.
Sincerely,
Careen