Southern Lady Code

"e;I loved it."e; —Ann Patchett The bestselling author of American Housewife ("e;Dark, deadpan and truly inventive."e; --The New York Times Book Review) is back with a fiercely funny collection of essays on marriage and manners, thank-you notes and three-ways, ghosts, gunshots, gynecology, and the Calgon-scented, onion-dipped, monogrammed art of living as a Southern Lady.Helen Ellis has a mantra: "e;If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way."e; Say "e;weathered"e; instead of "e;she looks like a cake left out in the rain."e; Say "e;early-developed"e; instead of "e;brace face and B cups."e; And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "e;Sorry you saw something that offended you"e; instead of "e;Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants."e; In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.