Message from Mama

Within the throngs of Alzheimers diseaseUps and downs, briefmoments of clarity. One is almost hopeful that the old you has returnedfor good, then, just as quicklya reality check. Its only a brief momentof clarity. I miss you mama, even though you are here with me. Ivehad moments of griefforever grieving little losses every day. I trydesperately to hold on to as much of you as I can, trying not to beselfish. I try desperately not to let it be patient and nurse. But letting it bemother and daughter. Wondering if this is dj vu. I can sometimes seeJessica helping escort me to the chair; covering me with the lap blanketand sweater and bringing me my afternoon mealits as if all that timehas passed and I cant remember anything in between. Then flash backto reality when you are clinging to me for dear life, your nails in my armsand begging Jesus to save you, as we go from the bed to the wheel chair. Once safe in the wheel chair everything is ok and back we go to normalagain. Weve all been through some sort of loss but this loss is especiallycruel, to live while dying.