If Ye Are Not One Ye Are Not Mine

Nineteen years ago, I published a book on marriage at the request of people who had heard mespeak in church, at firesides, and at other church-related activities. Some of them were couplesI had counseled while serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a result ofthose responsibilities, I began researching conference talks, scriptures, articles about marriage,and books by professionals, to find the inspiration and guidance to assist them. Many peopleasked me to put into writing the principles I had shared, so they could remember and reviewthem when they needed a reminder. Writing the book took me about two years, and I had athousand copies printed. I ran out of them fifteen years ago. I have had numerous requests forcopies since then but was unable to accommodate them. Last year, I set a goal to publish arevised and updated version as an e-book so that it would be available to those who maybenefit from its principles. This new version reflects changes in church policies and procedures,quotes from current Church leaders, insights from professionals, and experiences from my ownmarriage, to enhance and clarify these principles. It will be instructive for members of TheChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, but any marriage could benefit by applying itsprinciples. It also explains the principle of eternal marriage in detail and contains many quotesand scriptures that clarify the steps needed to "e;become one."e; When these principles areregularly applied in a marriage, they will ensure happiness and success. The title of the book,"e;If Ye Are Not One Ye Are Not Mine,"e; comes from a scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 38:27. According to the scripture, for a temple marriage to become eternal, we must "e;become one"e; inevery way. In the book, I use a recipe analogy to explain the need for proper ingredients in themarriage relationship. If you leave ingredients out of a recipe, it will not turn out the same. Forinstance, if you were baking a cake and left the eggs out, it will not rise. Likewise, in marriage,leaving out key ingredients will affect your ability to become one. I identify these keyingredients and clarify the differing roles of husbands and wives in the marriage covenant. These ingredients include continued courtship, intimacy, priesthood leadership in the home,family finances, and improving relationships, just to name a few. It is particularly helpful forcouples engaged to be married, those recently married, those experiencing challenges in theirmarriage, or those who just need a marriage tune-up. Those I counseled, who were willing toapply these principles, began to experience a oneness they had never known and theirmarriages became their top priority. In order to get the most out of the book, couples shouldread it together, and discuss how to incorporate the principles it contains. I can testify frompersonal experience that they work. If this book helps even one couple improve their marriage,it will have been worth the effort.