He who has tasted knows

I did not know that searching for myself meant losing her. I tried to live without thinking about what I was doing, without knowing what I should do and what I should do. I struggled to be like everyone else. I struggled not to listen to my heart, but passion pulled me from the edges. I dressed and walked over my pain and disability and moved against the road signs, from shadow to sun. I walked in all the paths that might lead to me, I thought I was not afraid. Now I have lost my ability not only to see, but to move, think and speak. Now my feet are planted on the floor and my back is against the wall. I don't need anyone and I don't forgive anyone. Everything in me will not prevent me from recognizing enough of myself to make a decision. Even if this decision swallows me up.