David Letterman's New Book of Top Ten Lists

Get the book that tells the world: "I like to read large-print TV tie-ins "
Top ten wise-ass things to say to the clerk as you purchase this book:
10. "Don't bother wrapping it. I'll eat it here."
9. "I can't believe some jerks just go to the library and check out books for free "
8. "MEEEEOW You sell books to kitties, don't you?"
7. "Whoa You must go to Letterman's barber."
6. "You know, they really ought to do one of those Cops-type shows about bookstore clerks."
5. "I was going to shoplift this book, but my pants are already full of supermarket steaks."
4. "Do you have a bag or something? I don't want anyone to see me with this."
3. "If this book gives me a paper cut, I'm suing your sorry ass."
2. "Can you Super Size this?"
1. "You gotta sell me some diphthongs, man I'm Hooked on Phonics "