Completely Conkers

Who would live in a country where no child is allowed to win a race on sports day and you can lose your job for forwarding an ‘Irish joke’ email? About 60 million Britons, that’s who!

This laugh-out-loud collection of ludicrous laws, political correctness gone mad, moneywasting council schemes and ridiculous red tape reveals how:

• Trapeze artists were told by insurers to wear hard hats in accordance with the European Union’s Temporary Work at Heights directive.

• After falling in the prison shower, a career criminal was compensated £248,000, including a substantial amount ‘for lost earnings’.

• A phone contractor was not qualified to dig a six-inch-deep trench because he did not have ‘underground capability’.

NB: This book doesn’t come with a safety warning. If you cut yourself on the paper, you can sod off.