Bert the Barbarian

It all started when he tried to end it all.
Bert Hoover jumped from a bridge, only to be rudely rescued by a flying saucer. Now he's on the backward planet of Mardalu, enslaved by the brutal Morans. His only friend is Janice, but she's been sold into slavery as well.

The role of hero doesn't come naturally to a chronic under-achiever, but Bert has run out of places to run. Janice isn't counting on him for rescue. She doesn't take him seriously enough. So Bert, with nowhere to go but up, sets out to become a different kind of man.

First he has to do the unthinkable - escape from slavery. Then all he has to do is the impossible - find Janice, rescue her from the Morans, and somehow find a way back to Earth.