Young Person's Guide to: Christianity

To all you littler sinners out there: it's time to put down your Instant Grams, your Tickety-Tocks, & your Dick Pics, and grab yourselves a Bible, pronto! Because the only Tweets you'll hear in the Afterlife will be from the flock of birds eating your intestines for Eternity. But, it's never too late to Save your filthy, filthy Soul--unless, of course, you happen to be a Homosexual, an Unwed Mother, or Hillary Clinton. So, in keeping with that Free Will nonsense you little miscreants are always whining about, you can Freely choose to let the wisdom of Father Stanley guide you to the Eternal Rewards of Heaven, or you can Freely choose to Burn in the Fires of Hell with Hitler, Dahmer, and whoever killed Jeffrey Epstein....