Stuporwoman Files

Newspaper humor columnist, public speaker, and playwright Monica Lewis' laugh-out-loud observations on motherhood, relationships, balancing work and family, and the quirks of everyday life, hit home on every page. On knowing you're too old to have a baby: "e;You know you're too old when, to you, a period is just something that goes at the end of a sentence."e;On the irony of giving your kids a time-out: "e;Most parents would love the luxury of taking an hour to just sit in our rooms. Hell, I'd even sit in the corner if it meant a moment or two of peace and quiet."e;On helping your child with math homework: "e;I'm hopeless at math. For me, Cardinal Numbers are the amount of red birds on the tree outside my bedroom window."e;On Santa Claus: "e;If Santa was a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the store bag."e;On Not Cleaning the Refrigerator: "e;If food were human, I'd be considered a slumlord."e;