Seasons Without Reason

Seasons Without Reason: Humorous Short Stories & Snarky SnippetsBy Dean BurkeyFrom dark humor to zany, from highbrow to slapstick, author/comedian Dean Burkey creates comical escapades with two dozen-plus short stories/essays starting with the title piece about a wacky world indeed and ending with two scientists striving to discover the secret to comedy.Between these entertaining tales, fast-food's melodramatic, thugs peg the voice of a cartoon mouse as an informant, zombies eat bacon, Einstein offers fitness advice, a tightrope walker in distress learns an insight into himself at the worst possible time, John Napier discovers the decimal point, and much more.Take a stress break, a mini-vacation, and let yourself embrace the bizarre, the funny jokes, and the wacky worlds of "e;Seasons Without Reason."e;Table of Contents:"e;Seasons Without Reason"e; (A Wacky World Indeed)"e;Fast Food Follies"e; (A Heated World of Grub Gone Wild)"e;The Mouse that Squeaked"e; (Is a Certain Cartoon Mouse Really a Rat?)"e;Breakfast of the Living Dead"e; (That's One Tasty Apocalypse)"e;Exercise = MC2"e; (Albert Einstein, Fitness Guru)"e;Turning Point"e; (Updated version of the story that originally appeared in "e;Juggler's World"e;)"e;We Get the Point!"e; (A Mathematician Makes His Mark in History)"e;Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!"e; (Did Her Boyfriend Forget Her Birthday?)"e;Are Aliens from a Superior Race Stealing Our Laundry?"e; (Hey UFOs, stay Away from My Clothes!)"e;The Five Stages of Grief for Burnt Waffles"e; (A Template for Dealing with Culinary Tragedies)"e;My Stolen Step-Ins"e; (Those Kids Made Her Go Commando)"e;The Twelve-Step Program for People with Overdue Library Books"e; (Every Journey Begins with the First Step)"e;Brat-Sitter"e; (Who's Really in Charge?)"e;How to Sell Lots and Lots of Angel Scout Cookies"e; (Don't Ask Why, Just Buy Or Cry!)"e;Origins of Golf Lingo"e; (Oh, a Different Kind of Hooker)"e;Catch 23"e; (Another Catch to Add to the List)"e;First Fight"e; (A Couple Enjoys Their First Altercation)"e;Philosophy of Chips"e; (Even the Cheapest of Snacks Has Value)"e;You Look Tasty!"e; (One Man's Journey from Veganism to Cannibalism)"e;No Deposit, ..."e; (Why Don't Deserted Isles Have Desserts?)"e;Cannibal Conundrum"e; (Befriend Him? Or Fry Him?)"e;Seven Dozen and Three Years Ago"e; (President Lincoln Receives Unsolicited Comedy Advice)"e;Origins of Stand-Up Comedy Lingo"e; (Something Funny's Going On Around Here)"e;A Dribble Glass Can Be a Beautiful Thing"e; (How Classic Comedy GagsCould Have Altered History)"e;Art Schmart"e; (Work of Art? Glorified doodle? Or Worse? Much, Much Worse)"e;The Secret to Comedy"e; (Can Alec and Kirk Uncover the Secret of the AgesBefore Losing Funding?)Excerpts & Snippets:Zombies love bacon. They may be brain dead. But they're not stupid. Plus, with all the prowling they do; they don't need to worry about cholesterol.Weight gain is a food tax, meted out by an angry IRS agent.I feel so close; and yet, I find myself plagued by a myriad of doubts. Maybe mankind isn't meant to delineate fractions with brevity and ease."e;No more daytime talk shows for you. They make you paranoid."e;"e;It doesn't make sense. Our little town only has three thousand people. And you bought more from her than from your own grandchildren. How was she able to sell so many?"e;Nietzsche said, "e;When you look into an empty bag of chips, the empty bag of chips also looks into you."e; So when the chips are down, open a new bag.I knew I'd lost my mind when I munched on Morning Mist potpourri. And loved it.Never date a cannibal. When she says you should go back to her place for dessert, it's not what you think.