Ross O Carroll-Kelly

''Ireland''s finest comic creation since Father Ted'' Hot Press

I was a rugby player with a great future behind me. A 35-year-old father-of-five with an expanding waistline, who was trying to survive the bloody battlefield we call life.

My son was locked in a violent turf war with a rival Love/Hate tour operator, my daughter was in love with a boy who looked like Justin Bieber, and my old dear was about to walk up the aisle with a 92-year-old billionaire who thought it was still 1936.

I was, like, staring down the barrel of middle age with the contentment of knowing that I was the greatest Irish rugby player who no one in Ireland had ever actually heard of. Until a chance conversation with an old Jesuit missionary made me realize that it wasn''t enough.

I was guided, as if by GPS, to a muddy field in - let''s be honest - Ballybrack. And there I finally discovered my destiny - to keep a struggling Seapoint team in Division 2B of the All Ireland League.

Or die trying.

''Hides a heart of darkness beneath the layers of craic and great gas and great story-telling and human warmth. Ross O''Carroll-Kelly is Ireland!'' Irish Times

''A cracking and hilariously witty read'' Irish Independent

''Book after book, Ross O''Carroll-Kelly delivers the goods ... Howard is in a league of his own'' Sunday Business Post