If I Should Die Before I Wake

Set in the period 19441946, If I Should Die Before I Wake is the story of Freddie Osborne and his slow awakening to his attraction to other males. This dawning awareness is troubling to Freddie, whose father shows his disappointment at his sons sissy ways. Unfortunately, his mother, who is loving and supportive, dies when he is eleven, but not before encouraging him to join the local Methodist Church. Upon reading the Bible, he discovers that his attraction to other males is an abomination. Although his fathers attitude becomes more supportive after his wifes death, Freddie becomes convinced he is a sinner and that he will therefore do bad things to other people. He confesses his sins to his father, and his grandmother suggests he see a psychiatrist. This man prescribes electroshock therapy, but when Freddie discovers that the procedure has failed to alter his urges, he becomes certain that finding a cure is hopeless.