The Strange Case of Dr. Guinness and Mr. Mojito

Ask anyone and they will tell you that Patrick McCann (aka Dr. Paddy Guinness) is a well known and well-liked Dublin barman. No mean feat, given the mystifying criteria by which the barman is judged, not only in Dublin, but in all 32 counties of Ireland. I, myself have seen enthusiasms and allegiances for a particular dispenser of bottled spirits rise, fall and then rise again between the time doors open and the last drink is jugged and the cat put out. But there is an un-arguable steadiness to Dr.Paddy Guinness, and a genuine benevolence which tames the malicious heart. With a certain tone of voice, a warm kingly glance and an all-knowing smile he puts the trouble doer to sleep where he/she stands in their shoes. Naturally he is especially popular with ladies, especially London ladies. I, Gerry Mathews, am his closest friend and confidante. I've known him for a little over ten years, ever since we tended bar together in Miltown Malbay, Co. Clare. And this is why I'm so fookin' mystified by what has happened...