Count Taka and the Vampire Brides: A Comedy of Epic Vampire Bromance

Welcome, traveler, to wild Tramontana
Here you will find snowclad mountains, roaring rivers, vast caves perhaps never seen before by mortal man Here the strong Horses of Night roam the mountainsides - perhaps you can tame one to ride with your charms. Here the shepherds call to the long-fleeced sheep, the sheep to their sweet lambs - and you can find true telemea, the softest and freshest of cheese, in the gift shop, herb-flavored, a dozen special varieties-
Eh? You're not here for the gift shop?
Ah, the cameras, of course Forgive me, most of the photographers we see head straight for the ski lifts. Or the whitewater. Yet there's so much more to Tramontana The healthy farmers bringing in the hay, the soaring churches, the wild gypsy dancers - you must dance with the gypsies - and Raven Castle Oh, there's a place of history... and mystery.
It held the line against the Turks, they say, and the ancient lords rooted out all manner of uncanny beings... or bargained with them. Have you heard the rumors? That Count Herodes has ruled from that castle for over a hundred years? True, I tell you, all true
...Monsters don't exist, eh? Well, well, take your photographs, and we'll see
But you must visit the castle. The Blood Moon is coming, yes, and they say that's when vampire lords can take a Bride Other years have come and gone with no new lady in the castle, but this year... oh, you should hear Mistral sing the omens A lass with your modesty and charms-
What's that? Ah, temper, temper; location shots, yes, I see. Which way to the castle... there are maps in the gift shop, and tour schedules - but we can do better than that Why, we'll escort you there ourselves, no trouble at all, I insist-
Ooof. That's a feisty one Well, she's packed off now. The other Brides should have some interesting weeks....
Mihail? What do you mean, Kae's not a girl's name?
...Oops.
(Vampire with annoying relatives meets photographer with terrifying relatives. Hilarity Ensues.)