The Girl, the Penguin, the Home-Schooling and the Gin

The very possibly hopefully billion-copy-selling parody of the million-copy bestseller, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse - for our times and for parents everywhere

'It's alright,' said the Penguin, in exactly the sort of way that Penguins don't. 'This is the only book you'll ever need to find complete happiness.'

Because it's been a bit of a trying time, hasn't it? You now know that your five-year-old is better at maths than you. And English. And at not crying during work. And the only way to get through it with a smile has been to buy all the booze and try to remember how to do 'going out'.

But don't worry, here to paper over all the cracks is a touching book, full of tender animal friends, pretty pictures and not too many words. A book for our times - to remind us of the precious joys of having all the family together, non-stop, twenty-four hours a day.

Owning it will make you happy. Giving it to other people will make you seem kind. Reading it will remind you that you're nearly out of gin.