You read the title of this book correctly. Our substance using kids cannot be loved into sobriety; at least not exclusively. Two months after Dr. Velarde's eighteen year old son graduated from a treatment facility, he experienced a relapse that triggered a series of events that almost destroyed their family. The book is a personal, no-holds-barred account of Dr. Velarde's struggle with his son's addictive behaviors and a family's struggles with self-blame, denial, and enabling behaviors. Dr. Velarde shares his personal accounts of keeping a family and a marriage together, and expending precious physical, spiritual and financial resources in his efforts to stop his son's freefall. "They Can't be Loved Into Sobriety" is a personal account of what families go through in battling addiction and the failed systems that have today become revolving doors. Dr. Velarde cuts through the psycho-social jargon and gets to the nitty gritty of what families can do in recognizing that no one is to blame, at least not the parents. Using humor and living examples, Dr. Velarde teaches that using substances is all about choice and not so much about outside sources. Using is voluntary and adolescents use because they like the feeling substances provide. It becomes critical, then, that families become aware of the early signs of use and begin setting effective boundaries when an abusing loved one is disrupting their home. "They Can't be Loved Into Sobriety" takes the position that that rescuing and cleaning up after someone who is actively practicing their addiction is not love, and there are several useful clues and techniques that families can use to regain their power. Chaos and divorce are by-products of addiction and we must address it as a united front or be destroyed along with our addicted loved ones. "They Can't be Loved Into Sobriety" is a "call to arms" that should be read by everyone affected with the number one public health issue in America. It will change not only how you look at your fight against substance use and abuse, but also what you can or cannot control in that fight. The book will offer families realistic hope and a sound path to healing. "They Can't be Loved Into Sobriety" is commonsense blueprint for thinking clearly about our own enabling behaviors and admitting to ourselves that, in a sense, we all play a role in enabling our loved one's addiction. We do it through our silence; our hushed tones; and treating our addicted loved ones like the proverbial white elephant in the room that everyone steps around.
They Can't Be Loved Into Sobriety: A Father's Guide for Parents of Teens and Young Adults with Substance Use Disorders
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