All aboard, all aboard

Get your tickets, if you dare, for a hysterical voyage of mirth and merriment aboard the Titanic Book of One Liners, awash with a calamitous cargo of hundreds of rib-tickling original jokes and puns, sprinkled with the odd smattering of age-old classics.

Guaranteed to go down a treat, you'll discover oceans of good, clean fun, ammunition aplenty to deliver an endless barrage of hilarious broadsides upon unsuspecting family and friends.

Victims will be at sea, steaming for port, desperately trying to fathom the source of the onslaught, blissfully unaware it's merely the calm before the storm. And all you'll need to do to continue the punishment is sit back, relax, and slowly turn the page...

Thar she blows, shipmates; how can you possibly go wrong with jokes like these...

I went to see a comedian called Humpty Dumpty. Honestly, he was so off the wall.

I went to bed Sunday night and woke next morning to find myself surrounded by dozens of cartoon bears, singing The Bare Necessities. It was a bad case of Monday morning Baloo's.

Egg and a sausage in a frying pan. Egg says: Warm in here, innit? Sausage says: I didn't know eggs could talk

I phoned the police after a lorry shed its load of cutlery outside our house. Asked where exactly, I said, turn left at the fork in the road...

This bloke tried to sell me a mountain for 10,000. I told him it was a bit steep.

I went to the surgery, complaining of double vision. Doctor Hourihane and Doctor Hourihane couldn't have been more understanding.

I went to the chemist and that woman was in again, the one who used to work at McDonalds. I said, a box of laxatives, please. She said, to go? I said, what do you think...?

So I said, who had a number one hit with Tiger Feet? Mud came the reply. I said, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right...

I keep thinking I'm an ostrich. I know I'm going to have to face up to my problem sooner or later. I can't keep burying my head in the sand.

Muhammad Ali figurine for sale. 50 ono. Not boxed.

Titanic Book of One Liners - pocket, Engelska, 2017